Halloween 2010

Fun Fun Fun...

We drove into Mission Viejo to Jon and Sonia's on Saturday afternoon. At 5pm Sonia, Nancy and I and all the kidlets met Veronica ( and her kidlets) at a Chinese Church in Irvine for a Jana Alayra concert...had so much fun and will post pictures here soon..We had 12 kid cousins all together!!)

We spent the night and went Trick-or-treating on Sunday night...so much fun! Sonia and I came back early with the little ones as they were tired. We had them watch It's a Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown while we had hot cider and a great chatting session. Serg and Jon took the older kids out longer for more candy! They had a great weekend playing basketball, and watching some games together..I can see Sergio really enjoying his friend and it gives my heart such joy!

This week we have schooling to catch up on. I've been keeping up with Flylady chores throughout my days and the they seem to be getting done. Dinner is getting made, too. It's nice to be on top of the day to day stuff so we can enjoy our weekends..

Moving..

Looks as though the steamboat of change is forcing it's way in my life again.

Serg is going to accept an offer in California...back we go to the beginning. I'm feeling a real circle coming back on itself. Many things in my heart have changed and I'm ready to accept this new road.

Both Luke and Isaac are taking the news hard. Noah is very excited to be back with cousins. I am, too. the beach and the wind and the Santa Anna winds..

Therapy..

Adjusting meds..

300 mg Serequel
20mg Lexapro
nightly

150 mg Serequel
morning

Amazed at how quickly my mind changes..

Up and down, back and forth.
Today is Isaac last day of "summer school"...4 more weeks of summer.
Having Sergio home has been wonderful. He does so much for us.

My garden is starting to burst forth! Tomatoes of all kinds, kale, eggplant, pumkins are green but plumping fast, tomatillos, jalepenos, green, yellow, red peppers, green beans, basil...I love summer!

The boys found a wasps nest this morning and can't seem to leave it alone...like a moth to the flame they are fasinated...Luke says to Sam, "Be careful because they can smell our phermones (sp?) and will chase us if we make them mad." Huh? Must be all the hours of animal planet..:0)

Been flip-flopping on whether to sign up for BibleStudy Fellowship....perhaps. Maybe I'll volenteer to do Moppettes' instead..or maybe table leader..

Of to shower and run errands..modd has stablized after about 5 days in a mixed state.. thank goodness for stable thoughts..

Movie DayII

Another movie day thanks to Carson Kolzig Found...we saw Ice Age dawn of the dinos...very cute.

I miss my husband. He's been gone too long! Just spoke with him on the phone and he is heading home Monday. Appreciate all he does around here when he's gone so long.

Haven't seen my therapist in 2 weeks..I haven't unraveled but can feel some fraying..Friday will see her again. She has been seeing Luke, too. She is thinking bipolar for him, too. I guess trying some meds that have helped me might be worth trying...

Going school shopping for boys next week..Only 6 weeks until school starts..I'm really looking forward to this fall..totally de-junk the house, do some quilting, reading, painting (house and my own stuff)....I've made it half way..it's the downhome slide now...:)

movies

The Carson Kolzig foundation and Autism Society of Washington sponsored a movie day yesterday for families affected with Autism. Serg had to work over-time, so I took the kids by myself. We saw Night at the Museum 2..the kids laughed and laughed. It makes me want to take a trip to explore the Smithsonian with the family.

We also went to babyshower yesterday at the church we are attending. Was fun.

Off to church this morning and Bible study tonight..
Praying for a peaceful day..

Summer fun:(

I am nervous for the summer with all the kids...they are already getting on each others nerves a bit. The fighting that Isaac does with his siblings is unbearable sometimes..he just wants everything just so in his world...we all can't fit into his bubble...nor should any of us have to. The meltdowns are enough to make my already skiddish nervous system crash. I feel angry that I work so hard to mantain an orderly, flowing home and I have to deal with his unstability. Terrible thing to say about your own kid, I know.

Sometimes I feel resentful that I allow the kids the freedoms to be who they are and they just walk all over me. It's like I have to change who I am. My personality is a laid back lets have fun all the time..I do whatever I can to make sure they have lots of fun things to do and places to go. I think the part of parenting that requires structured discipline is hard for me. And when I know they need more of that kind of a parent, I feel angry that I have to become that person in order for them to thrive..yet it is not who I am. This may not make sense to healthy people.

Even Sergio needs that structured practical person..that I just don't feel like I am. I am so wanting to live life without all the conflict. Can I go one day without some major catastrophe to sort through that isn't my own??..I have been too sick to do the finances so he took them over completely. I have been too sick to remember medications, so he has to dispense it to me. I'm beginning to think he may not be able to handle the heavy load either..I see signs of him cracking under the pressure of it all, too.



I have a therapy session tonight, maybe I'll bring it up.

End of week all ready..

Been a busy week. Thing are humming along. Not much to write.

I've been painting again. .. this time in water colors..pastels and fades. I can tell my happiness level. Watercolor always means peace. This is good. Funny, I never think my painting done when I'm happy are very good. I really LIKE LOVE my paintings done when I'm in the depths of despare. Funny how that is.

Regular household chores are being done. another sign my sickness is at bay. Supper has been served each night, children have been read too.. husband cuddled..

I go the therapy tonight at 5pm, Serg is working some overtime. Good for money..will write tomorrow of what comes from therapy..

Love ya

Monday, Monday

Weekend flew...

Therapy Friday was awesome. Can't believe how much good it does. If anyone ever entertains the thought I will encourage them to do it. Amazing.

Been in a great Bible Study about getting into position for God to speak. Really been stretching me. I am finding that my twenties were a time I kinda let the expectations of other believers set my internal compass for where God was. In the last year, I've learned that I have to peel back that exterior armor I've unconsciously built around myself. That I believe our nation (of believers) has built around itself. The "what I'm supposed to say" "do" "be" layers. Down to the heart where God says come. Just like you are...with thoughts that maybe aren't just right...with beliefs that are still forming and may never be set. A place where I'm free from the religion and hardened laws and wrapped in the freedom.

Our country is a great example..people who long to be free...have unintentionally because of fear created an un-free country..where it is acceptable to torture and hold people in prison for the sake of safety. I feel so strongly about this. It's the one thing politically I can't seem to let go. These men be held with no crime charged to their name. Because of their connections, they can be held.

Turn that scenario around...imagine Iran holding Jews in camps because of their ties with enemy countries...would we sit by..NO OF COURSE NOT I just don't understand how we choose human rights for one group and not another...

OK I'm fully riled up..best go get another cup 'o' Jo...

peace peeps.

Signed Isaac up for extended school year...he will have 2 days a week in the mornings all summer. Yeah. Summer is looming a little over my head. All of them home....ugg. We don't have money to put them in activities..so we will be going to parks and down to the river alot..doing the reading program at the library...heading over to Mel's to swim.

In three months all of them will be in school!! Sammy only half days but the rest full day!! I don't think I have ever looked forward to anything more.

Selfish..probably. Recharging my batteries....ahhhhhhhhh. That means Friday mornings Serg and I will have the house all to ourselves!!! I can't even begin to imagine this.

I'm planning to read a thousand books...excersize everyday. Paint! Go to coffee with girlfriends. Do Bible Studies that have homework. Enjoy a clean house for longer periods of time!! Maybe even take some college credits! Oh the possiblities.

Off to welcome Serg home from work!

Small ~JJ Heller

Cardboard cutouts on the floor,
People wish that You were more like
what they wanted You to be.
Eventually, they won't have much of You at all
in their theology.
The walls are closing in on You.
You cannot be contained at all.

I don't want to make You small.
I don't want to fit You in my pocket..
a cross around my throat.

You are brighter than the sun.
You're closer than
the tiny thoughts I have of You,
but I could never fathom You.

At all.

Broken mouldings all around.
Broken people hit the groud
when they discover that
You're not here for our benefit.
You love
in spite of us.
You use
the least of us....
to prove the strong aren't really strong .

At all.

A Short, Slow Life ~Elizabeth Bishop early 50's

We lived in a pocket of Time.
It was close, it was warn.
Along the dark seam of the river
the houses,the barns, the two churches,
hid like white crumbs
in a fluff of gray willows and elms,
till Time made one of his gestures;
his nails scratched the shingled roof.
Roughly his hand reached in,
and tumbled us out.

Other quotes

"Laughter is the best dinnertime music." ~Carleton Kendrick

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world.
-someone to love,
-something to do,
-and something to hope for."
~Tom Bodett

"Ah, There is nothing like staying home for real comfort."
~Jane Austin

"A family in harmony will prosper in everything"
~Chinese proverb

"The ordinary arts we practice everyday at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."
~Thomas More

Memorial Weekend

Saturday we meet Jon and Sonia and the kidlets at Horsethief Lake. Just a day trip..it is a mid point for each of us to drive..perfect. The kids enjoyed swimming and the raft. I got major sun and enjoyed being with family who also happens to be friends. That so rarely is the case and is a treasure. It ended up being very relaxing. The kids had a great time.

We came home and rested Sunday, and Isaac started getting very sick..by Monday mornig I couldn't bring his temp down. Serg went to the HUGE Value Village Sale early (to get the best stuff) :) and when he got home, I took Ike to the ER. They ran blood work and said it was just a nasty flu..not the swine one. He has made a quick recovery adn I think I'll send him to school this afternoon.

The illness prompted me to scrub the house down with vinegar. I cut some of my flourishing roses from the yard and brought them in to decorate the bathrooms and our bedrooms..Huge red delicious smelling roses...I also palnted peach ones and yellow ones with pink just at the tips of the petals...my pumpkins are pushing up their fuzzy little shoots and the strawberries are already red. Yellow flowers are all over my tomato plants, although something else thinks their leaves are yummy..have to get some spray.

Noah is anxious to get his cast off this Friday. We shall see..I'm guessing they will put him in another one for a bit..but he is determined that Friday will be the day...poor boy! At least it will be off for most of the summer and he will get to go to Pinevalley this year.



I read from the Proverbs this morning...feeling ready to tackle the day..