The Weepies - Gotta Have You (Audio)

Remembering three years ago to this weekend..Serg was in heart failure and admitted..the beginning of the long journey.

On this side of it, I still feel a little shell shocked. I wonder how these life altering circumstances change people. My friend from MOPS Calliegh lost her baby boy Matthew in a car accident this week. In a blink of an eye...gone. Words just fail in these situations when you want desperately to comfort. I did feel God during our ordeal, but have to be honest that since then, I've lacked the intimacy I once felt. I guess the trusting has become more risky...the realization that His plans are certainly not our own. And sometimes when you feel the closest to Him, tragedy strikes. Our mental deduction would lean toward a better life (more blessings) if we are following Him closely. !But we can not comprehend God who is every contradiction....

I'm still struggling...working out my salvation. Trying desperately to walk the path here. There must be more I need to know, something I'm missing. All the neat little boxes I used to love have not withstood time. And I could just keep making them, or I could jump into others boxes. It is certainly more safe. Black/White, Right/Wrong, Good/Evil...no room for gray. Life has structure and opinions fold neatly into one another. Then there is the one idea that shakes the little boxes...the people in the box start furrowing their eyebrows saying things like, you better be careful with that idea, it cracks the foundations upon which we stand. If you want to be one of us then this is our mantra...get in or get out. No compromise, no room for questions, no room for anger, no room for thinking.

Ranting at 10:49pm...better take my meds and go to bed..Night