Thursday, February 24, 2011

Monday, February 21, 2011

Previous entry..

From my blog June 7, 2008

The blackness has fallen. How long this time?



Even medicine doesn't lift the unbearable weight. One day flying at 100 mph..the next screeching to a halt. All movement like molasses. Can't function can't move. All around overwhelms and the tears stream...flowing, drenching. Then the numbness.


Nothing is as it was, but I've been here before..this cycle nothing new to me. Since the first big surge of estrogen I've ridden this ride. up and down up and down up and down. It's different when your children look at you and know you have to move...have to care for something..have to feed clothe wash maintain. Before children I found a hole and didn't come out until I could fake it...fake it, fake it..fake it. My whole life has been manic or fake it.


I need help.

Wow, have things changed! I haven't felt that veil of sadness for a very long time.  Why was I so frightened to start the drugs??  It makes me mad that people vilify meds these days..especially phycotropic drugs! And if you plan to help your children with these meds, people think it's child abuse!!

Anyway, my point is this...if you ever feel like I did when I posted that blog..SEEK MEDICAL ADVISE! Life is so much more than living that way..help is out there! Don't waste another minute!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Autism heartbreak...

I remember in the beginning I was heartbroken so much of the time...more because I didn't understand what Autism was...and I could not console Isaac.  As we were enveloped in the Autism community I began to feel strong and hopeful.  We started to see such incredible progress it was exciting.  Even as a community we see awareness levels rising and Autism is spoke of in main stream social activities. 



Then something happens like what happened in the Moreno Valley library that smacks a MAMA front and center in the face.  It wasn't a huge ordeal, but the attitude from the librarians and security guard surprised me so much.  Isaac found a corner while I was checking out the books and was spinning while looking up at the ceiling.  It's just something he does.  He wasn't upset or stressed, he just likes to spin.  The security guard came up to me and told me that he was exhibiting "odd" behavior and needed me to watch him more carefully. WTHeck..OK..."Isaac, come stand by mommy."  I turn back to the books.."Maam, you should wash your children's faces before you go out in public.." Isaac used a sharpie to draw a mustache on himself this afternoon and I've tried..believe me, I've tried. This time she just got a dirty look from me...Now I just ignored her.



We get all the way done and are out the door..BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! The detector beeped and the librarian yelled STOP!!! OK??? We turn around and the librarian yells to the guard, "THAT one went under the rope!!" pointing to Isaac...I say (in a very sarcastic way), "Lady! Here are the books and here is the receipt."  She says, "It is very serious that your child walked under that rope!" She scolded Isaac very harshly and he started to cry.  I rolled my eyes and walked out..

Ok here is my dilemma...I understand that we have to advocate and educate the world at large...we are expected to raise our families, struggle to pay for therapies, build up our marriages, encourage our other children...and HAVE TO EDUCATE STUPID PEOPLE! 

I can also feel this overwhelming struggle when we deal with society as a whole...they present us with a box.  It has certain dimensions and they expect every child to fit into it...then they throw drugs and discipline at both the kids and the parents to bend (even pop) joints out of place to fold inside the box....

I wholehearted admit that my children are weird (look at their parents).  They are not like other kids.  They are foolish, childish, playful, and expressive.  They are not the kind of children to excel at one particular skill.  When we walk into a place all together it can be kind of daunting.

But they know they are loved.  They have experienced sand in their underwear and paint in their hair.  They are free to make their own PBandJ and I've never cut up their apples (eat it whole or you get none).  They have hammered real nails with real hammers.  They have been read aloud to everyday of their lives.  They have watched and journaled a pumpkin from seed to 20lbs.  They have baked a cake and burned themselves with the glue gun. 



SO we are weird you big fat world....but to be honest...I LIKE IT THAT WAY!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Creative Play

Maybe it's the sunshine...maybe it's the birds chirping...whatever the reason, I'm feeling a creative flow that cannot be quieted.  Here are a few ideas we are going to do this coming week.  Wanna come and play?








I wish they would stay little.  I'm having so much fun!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Enjoy today...

Make a memory with your children,
Spend some time to show you care;
Toys and trinkets can't replace those
Precious moments that you share.
Money doesn't buy real pleasure,
It doesn't matter where you live;
Children need your own attention,
Something only you can give.
Childhood's days pass all too quickly,
Happy memories all too few;
Plan to do that special something,
Take the time to go or do.
Make a memory with your children,
Take the time in busy days;
Have some fun while they are growing,
Show your love in gentle ways.

- Elaine Hardt -

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Lovely Weekend

Had such a fun time at Sonia's this weekend.  She is a great hostess.  Everyone made memories watching the Superbowl, eating great food, playing at the park, playing football, swimming, and attending a concert! So very fun...we all made memories.  I was watching the kids play at the park with their cousins. We are lucky to be back here in Southern California with them.  The kids were playing pirates and everyone had an important role.  Izzy was delegating jobs to them all...she told me to be the protector and I had to carried the big sword.  Scotty impressed me with his attention to details when it came to design of the playground equipment.  He noticed that the slide and the climbing wall were really the same piece just flipped over...impressive!  And of course our Luke seems to ALWAYS make a new friend where ever we go.  He and his buddy dug some elaborate tunnels that all interconnected.  I loved watching all the adult cousins playing football and remembering when they were young.









The boys and I spent the night and in the morning we headed over to the Y so the kids could swim and we could drink in the sunshine.  I count every second together with Sonia as priceless.  She is my bestie and I thank God for her friendship.  I can talk to her about ANYTHING and I love her as much as my sister.  Got back to the house just in time to have lunch with Esther and Barbara Coffman (an absolute pioneer in the homeschooling world and a wealth of information on parenting and marriage). It was a treat to be able to visit with her!

We met Nancy and Tia, Veronica and her kiddos at the Mariners Church in Irvine for the taping of Jana Alayra's newest DVD and it was awesome.  We were in the front and I'm certain our kids will be on the DVD....as close as we get to being famous! :)  Luke of course made another new friend there and talked with her they whole ride home in the car! So much for homeschooling kids being antisocial!! HA!










After the concert we met at the Irvine Spectrum for supper before heading home..not much traffic and we could use the carpool lane....

We are blessed!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

relaxed learning

I think I'm going to used "relaxed learning" instead of homeschooling.  I think it fits us nicely. We have been doing fun things in the last few weeks.  It feels like the kind of school experience I've been dreaming about for the last few years.  Sunshine, movement, family, conflict resolution, reading, playing, cooking, sewing, reading, adding, carrying, conjugating, reading.....:)

"A child educated at a school is an uneducated child."~ George Santazana