movies

The Carson Kolzig foundation and Autism Society of Washington sponsored a movie day yesterday for families affected with Autism. Serg had to work over-time, so I took the kids by myself. We saw Night at the Museum 2..the kids laughed and laughed. It makes me want to take a trip to explore the Smithsonian with the family.

We also went to babyshower yesterday at the church we are attending. Was fun.

Off to church this morning and Bible study tonight..
Praying for a peaceful day..

Summer fun:(

I am nervous for the summer with all the kids...they are already getting on each others nerves a bit. The fighting that Isaac does with his siblings is unbearable sometimes..he just wants everything just so in his world...we all can't fit into his bubble...nor should any of us have to. The meltdowns are enough to make my already skiddish nervous system crash. I feel angry that I work so hard to mantain an orderly, flowing home and I have to deal with his unstability. Terrible thing to say about your own kid, I know.

Sometimes I feel resentful that I allow the kids the freedoms to be who they are and they just walk all over me. It's like I have to change who I am. My personality is a laid back lets have fun all the time..I do whatever I can to make sure they have lots of fun things to do and places to go. I think the part of parenting that requires structured discipline is hard for me. And when I know they need more of that kind of a parent, I feel angry that I have to become that person in order for them to thrive..yet it is not who I am. This may not make sense to healthy people.

Even Sergio needs that structured practical person..that I just don't feel like I am. I am so wanting to live life without all the conflict. Can I go one day without some major catastrophe to sort through that isn't my own??..I have been too sick to do the finances so he took them over completely. I have been too sick to remember medications, so he has to dispense it to me. I'm beginning to think he may not be able to handle the heavy load either..I see signs of him cracking under the pressure of it all, too.



I have a therapy session tonight, maybe I'll bring it up.

End of week all ready..

Been a busy week. Thing are humming along. Not much to write.

I've been painting again. .. this time in water colors..pastels and fades. I can tell my happiness level. Watercolor always means peace. This is good. Funny, I never think my painting done when I'm happy are very good. I really LIKE LOVE my paintings done when I'm in the depths of despare. Funny how that is.

Regular household chores are being done. another sign my sickness is at bay. Supper has been served each night, children have been read too.. husband cuddled..

I go the therapy tonight at 5pm, Serg is working some overtime. Good for money..will write tomorrow of what comes from therapy..

Love ya

Monday, Monday

Weekend flew...

Therapy Friday was awesome. Can't believe how much good it does. If anyone ever entertains the thought I will encourage them to do it. Amazing.

Been in a great Bible Study about getting into position for God to speak. Really been stretching me. I am finding that my twenties were a time I kinda let the expectations of other believers set my internal compass for where God was. In the last year, I've learned that I have to peel back that exterior armor I've unconsciously built around myself. That I believe our nation (of believers) has built around itself. The "what I'm supposed to say" "do" "be" layers. Down to the heart where God says come. Just like you are...with thoughts that maybe aren't just right...with beliefs that are still forming and may never be set. A place where I'm free from the religion and hardened laws and wrapped in the freedom.

Our country is a great example..people who long to be free...have unintentionally because of fear created an un-free country..where it is acceptable to torture and hold people in prison for the sake of safety. I feel so strongly about this. It's the one thing politically I can't seem to let go. These men be held with no crime charged to their name. Because of their connections, they can be held.

Turn that scenario around...imagine Iran holding Jews in camps because of their ties with enemy countries...would we sit by..NO OF COURSE NOT I just don't understand how we choose human rights for one group and not another...

OK I'm fully riled up..best go get another cup 'o' Jo...

peace peeps.